To love or Not to Love
by tobi-madara-obito
Summary: its just a sort drabble that came to me while reading loveless by Yun Kouga its my first non naruto related fanfic enjoy XD Rating CHANGE HAS TAKEN PLACE DUE TO MATURE CONTENT  oh and if anyone wants i could really use a beta
1. Chapter 1

"I love you, Ritsuka." That haunting voice would always repeat to me. Though it wasn't until recently that I actually started to believe those sinful words.

"Soubi," I muttered and gripped the bed sheets tightly and gazed at the brightly lit moon.

Why can't I sleep anymore? These sleepless nights can't be because of him, can they?

It's been 6 years since I first met Soubi. I am now a senior in high school and the only one who still has his ears and tail. Everyone makes fun of me because of it but I really don't care.

I'm glad Yuiko has gotten over me and is together now with Yayoi. That leaves me with one less pest to deal with.

Finally, after a few hours of tossing and turning I fell asleep.

"Ritsuka, its time to wake up." Soubi's monotone voice echoed through my ears.

I grumbled and turned away from him. It was that moment that I realized Soubi was in my room, in my bed, with ME!

"WHAT THE HELL SOUBI!" I shouted falling out of my bed.

Soubi chuckled and looked at my naked form. DAMN IT! I had to be lazy and not get dressed after last night's shower.

I scrambled out of my room and into my bathroom.

"Ritsuka, did I startle you?" the blonde asked in his sinful voice.

"Yes." I stated simply.

"Gomenasai." His short apologies always somewhat annoyed me.

"Right..." I said sarcastically.

I turned the water on and began to shower. The warm water ran over my body, relaxing my tensed muscles. I felt relaxed and just stood there in the water for just a moment.

"Ritsuka, hurry up, you still have school today!" Soubi's voice called.

I grumbled a little, finished my shower and got dressed.

Soubi stood at the edge of my room as I scrambled to get ready for another long, unfulfilling day of school. And to make matters worse: I have Soubi as my art teacher.  
The blonde walked over to me after I was ready and pressed his lips to mine. I couldn't help but kiss him back.

"Ritsuka, I love you," he said, tilting my chin up with one finger.

"Soubi..." I breathed and gazed into his grayish-blue eyes. He smiled lovingly at me.

"Do you really love me?" I asked.

He wrapped his arms around me, buried his nose in my hair and breathed in my scent.

"Yes, yes I do." he said, kissing the top of my head

"Soubi, I-I love you too." I said wrapping my arms around him.

He smiled and pressed his lips to mine again.

"Ritsuka, I love you."


	2. bounus chapter

To love or not to love

Bonus chapter

The bell rang loudly signaling that school days end. I let out a loud sigh and gathered my belongings.

"Aoyagi-kun may I speak with you?" Soubi asked motioning for me to go over to him. _'Of course he'd want to see me after class, stupid pedophile.'_

"Is it really important?" I asked knowing that with him he wouldn't tell me even if I asked.

Soubi just smiled his smug smile giving me a weird vibe. What was he thinking about?

I stood up and took my sweet time getting over to the annoying blonde who seemed to be getting impatient.

Once I approached him he wrapped his strong suffocating arms around me,"Suki dayo, Ritsuka." He murmured into my hair.

"Suki dayo Soubi," I replied and kissed his warm cheek. I snaked my arms around his neck and kissed him passionately on the lips.

I kept feeling these strange desires for Soubi that I couldn't explain…Could it be that I wanted-_NO it couldn't be there is no way in hell that I'd want sex from him! _I slapped myself mentally for there was no way that something like sex would work out for me and Soubi.

Soubi's hands slid down to my waist and caressed my sides.

I felt myself get aroused. _'No this can't be happening! Not when he's touching me!' _again I slapped myself mentally.

Soubi Smirked as his hand slid between our bodies and lightly stroke me. I flinched away from him in a nervous reaction.

"A bit nervous are we?" Soubi asked with a smug look on his face.

My face flushed a deep red as he began to nip my neck, lightly pulling on my soft tender flesh.

His warm breath on my skin made it even harder not to get aroused by his soft gentle touch.

"Ritsuka," he said softly against my neck.

"y-yes, Soubi?" I asked gripping his shirt tightly.

"I want to take those ears of yours," he purred seductevly.

My face flushed a deep red and I slowly nodded before I had a chance to think about what he truly asked.

Before I realized it he and I were completely nude and I was against his desk and he was over me smirking.

"Wha-WHAT THE HELL SOUBI!" I asked blushing.

"Ritsuka you don't know how long I've waited for this day, the day I get to take your ears." He leaned down and nipped my cat ear which was soon to be gone.

He place three finders on my lower lip and lightly traced the seam of my mouth, "suck them." He ordered.

"Since when were you in the position to be giving me orders!" I chuckled.

"Hmph," he slid the fingers into my couth and I eagerly coated them with my saliva dragging my tongue over the three fingers.

_'Why am I doing this?' _I thought to myself as I let myself be touched in my lower regions.

"Ngh, Soubi more," I commanded him as he removed the fingers from my mouth.

Again he gave me that smug look again and played with my lower regions more roughly than before, "you like that my little kitten?" he purred into my ear.

"Uh huh," I replied stupidly.

"Good," he removed his hands from my face and slid a finger into my entrance.

"AH, Soubi it hurts." I yelped arcing away from his finger.

"Sssssshhhhhh don't worry it will get better soon." He cooed trying forcing my hips down back onto his finger.

Soubi to my engorged erection into his mouth and began sucking it hungrily making me forget the pain in my lower regions.

Without my noticing the pain he inserted another finger and began moving the two intrusions around causing me to moan loudly. I could practically feel his smirk as he kept sucking me.

He added another finger to my hole after working the other two in and began spreading them.

I let out a loud whimper in pain as Soubi began to move them around stretching me well.

Soon he pulled out his fingers and pushed something much bigger into my entrance.

I gripped the bed sheets tightly in pain.

Soubi began moving slowly then soon picked up his pace and I began to love it.

"MORE!" I commanded my seme.

Soubi lightly kissed the top of my head where my ears would've been and obeyed my command.

"Soubi s-suki dayo," I moaned.

"Ritsuka, suki dayo," he said in his whisper like tone.

At that moment my release came soon after.

Soubi's release came soon after mine and we both lay there covered in sweat, breathing heavily…then it hit me, "hey Soubi?"

"Hmmm?"

"What are we gonna do when my mom finds out that I lost my ears?" I asked worriedly not wanting to lose either of our lives.

"Don't worry, she won't find out." He replied easily.

"Oh and what makes you think that?" I asked curious about what he was thinking.

"Run away with me and she'll never find out."

I laid there dumbstruck. _'How could he say something like that? He knows I can't leave my mother but if she finds out I lost my ears to him she'll kill us both.'_

"Just think about it Ritsuka." He said as he got up and began to dress himself and I quickly did the same.

* * *

That night I sat in my tub thinking about what Soubi had said. So far she hasn't found out but she's bound to someday and I don't want that day to come because that's the day that Soubi and I will no longer be together.

I picked up my phone and emailed Soubi,

_We're leaving tonight meet me at the park._

Soon after I got a reply from him,

_Ok when do you want me to meet you there?_

I sent a quick reply as I jumped out of the tub and began to towel off.

_As soon as possible._

THE END


	3. bonus chapter 2

Why hello everyone XD this is the last bonus chapter of This fanfiction dedicated to promocat i hope you enjoy this chapter. i think i strayed a little from the topic though so gomenasai -.- i tried my best i hope you like it.

i used to hatsune miku songs because they were the songs soubi was humming for no reason really i just needed some songs.

the songs are the world is mine and the disapearence of... both by hatsune miku.

i do not own loveless or else ritsuka woulve lost his ears long ago. nor do i own any of the songs used here so XP

* * *

To love or not to love

Bonus chapter 2

Soubi and I sat in our new living room in an apartment complex in Kyoto. We've been here for three days now and Soubi seems to be ecstatic, or at least more ecstatic than usual.

We sat on the couch watching T.V. And Soubi held me in his strong arms, "Ritsuka, suki dayo." He cooed as he nuzzled my hair.

I began to drift off in his embrace and started thinking, '_was this really the right choice?'_

I can't stand to leave my mother in her current state but I wanted to be with Soubi, Soubi is my world, when he's around it hurts. But when he's not around it hurts even more. He's not mine though he's really Seimei's plaything. Nothing in this world belongs to me it all belongs to him.

Other than the issue of Soubi, My mom would go ballistic if she found out that I lost my ears to someone eight years older than me, but if she found out that I ran away she would feel betrayed and probably go completely insane. Dad wouldn't be there to stop her from committing suicide. I would hate to be her reason of death but I guess this can't be helped.

I also feel bad about leaving Yuiko and Yayoi; after all they are my best friends. Yuiko came up to me my first day in Shinonomi-sensei's class and tried to befriend me. I don't see why I didn't try to return her kindness that first day.

Also Yayoi was a good friend as well. Sure when we started out he was only using me to get to Yuiko, but after awhile we actually became friends, if not best friends. Yayoi also helped keep Yuiko at bay once they started going out.

I'm really going to miss everyone.

I can't believe Soubi let me drag him away from my home, I can't believe he let me just throw away my life in Tokyo. He let me leave my friends without saying goodbye. Why didn't he stop me? GOD DAMNIT WHY?

"Ritsuka, Ritsuka, Ritsuka wake up." Soubi's warm voice said to me as he shook me awake.

* * *

"Huh? Wha-?" I yawned as I came into consciousness.

"You were crying is everything alright?" he said lightly stroking my face.

I grabbed his hand and nuzzled it, "yeah everything's fine I just had a nightmare."

"You sure? You know if you want to go back we can." He told me in a soft tone.

"It's ok." I lied and snuggled against him.

"If you say so." He said and stood up and went to the kitchen to prepare food.

Soubi was humming a little tune as he cooked soba noodles with miso.

Sekai de ichi-ban OHIME-SAMA  
Sou-yu atsukai KOKORO-ete  
Yone

Sono-ichi  
Itsumo to chigau kami-gata ni kiga-tsuku koto  
Sono-ni  
Chanto kutsu made mirukoto, ii ne?  
Sono-san  
Watashi no hito-koto niwa mittsu no kotoba de henji suru koto  
Wakatta ra migite ga orusu nanowo nantoka-site!

Betsuni wagamama nante itte nain-dakara  
Kimi ni KOKORO kara omotte hoshii no KAWAII tte

Sekai de ichi-ban OHIME-SAMA  
Kiga-tsuite ne e ne e  
Mataseru nante rongai yo  
Watashi wo dare-dato omotte runo?  
Mou! nan-daka amai-mono ga tabetai!  
Ima suguni yo?

Oh, check one two... Ahhhhhh!

I sat on the couch with my knees drawn to my chest and thought of my current circumstance: I'm alone in apartment with Soubi probably the biggest pedophile in Tokyo and no one knows we're here and I can't leave the house without him….DAMN I PUT MYSELF IN A BAD POSITION!

I mentally slapped myself for not thinking about this and dropped my hand into my knees and groaned loudly.

"Something wrong, my little kitten?" Soubi came in with the food. He sat down the tray of food and drew me into his arms, "suki dayo my little kitten."

"Hey Soubi?" I asked burying my face in his soft shirt.

"Hm?"

"Was this the right decision?" I asked quietly, so quietly it was merely a whisper.

"Of course it was." He smiled down at me, "if your mother had found out about your ears she would've killed you."

"Still what about your job? What about my school? What about my friends? What about-"I was cut off by his soft lips meeting mine.

We shared a passionate kiss and he began to suck on my lower lip and I began to suck on his top one.

He opened his mouth and I slid my tongue into his moist cavern tracing everything I could. I wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled myself close to him.

Soubi lightly nipped at my tongue and wrapped his arms around my small body and pulled away with a thin string of saliva connecting us, "Ritsuka you worry too much."

"but Soubi we cant run away forever." I told him looking up at him sternly with my dark violet eyes.

"are you not happy here with me?" he asked looking offended.

"I-I am it's just…Never mind…" With that I left the room and went to our room and crawled into bed.

As I lay in bed I heard Soubi start to hum another song:

"Utaitai... mada... utaitai."

"Boku wa... Sukoshi dake warui ko ni,"  
"natte shimatta you desu."  
"Masutaa... douka sono te de..."  
"Owarasete kudasai."  
"Masutaa no tsurai kao, mou mitakunai kata."

Ima wa uta sae mo  
Karada mushibamu koui ni  
Kiseki negau tabi  
Hitori oitsumerareru  
(Gomen ne...) Natsukashii kao  
Omoidasu tabi  
Kioku ga hagare ochiru  
Kowareru oto kokoro kezuru  
Semaru saigo ni

Mamotta mono wa akurai mirai gensou wo  
Misenagara kiete yuku hikari  
Oto wo gisei ni  
Subete wa tsutaerareru kara  
Asshuku sareta wakare no uta

Boku wa umare soshite kizuku shosen  
Hito no mane-gotto mo da to shitte na omo  
Utaitsuzuku towa no inochi VOCALOID  
Tatoe sore ga kison kyoku wo  
Nazoru omocha naraba sore mo ii to ketsui

Soubi suki dayo but what about everything else in this world? We can't just live for each other. There are other people in this world who matter to me other than you. How could I let this happen? How could I let myself run away with him? How could I give up everything I worked so hard to keep? Were those memories made for nothing?

I thought this was what I wanted at first but now I'm having second thoughts. I lost everything once when the "real" Ritsuka disappeared and then I lost it all again when Seimei died and now I've lost it all now that I've ran away with Soubi.

Warm tears stared bubbling at the corners of my eyes. I didn't even bother to stop them they would've kept coming anyway.

That night after Soubi was asleep on the couch I gathered my stuff. Sure Soubi wouldn't mind having me all alone in an apartment in Kyoto and starting over, but I mind. I can't just leave everyone in Tokyo to start all over after everything I've been through.

I took one last glance at Soubi and smirked _'he'd be happy if he were anywhere as long as it were with me but I'm going home to the place where I belong. I need to be with my mother I need my friends I can't live with just you. I must sound so selfish right now but it's true I need more than just you I can't bear to tell you that I want to go home right after we just got here., not after you spent so much time pulling strings and paying for this with your own pocket. Gomenasai Soubi aishiteru.'_

With that I left.

* * *

"Mom?" I called as I stepped quietly into my own house.

A plate came flying at my head, "where have you been?" my mother came out of the kitchen with a kitchen knife in her hand.

"I was at a friend's house," I lied.

"Be a good boy and don't lie, the real Ritsuka doesn't have friends!" she came at me knocking over various things along the way.

Suddenly she stopped, "what happened to your little ears?"

"uh…well you see…." _'SHIT! How am I supposed to explain this?'_

"YOU'RE NOT MY RITSUKA! MY RITSUKA WOULD NEVER LOSE HIS EARS AT SUCH A YOUNG AGE!" she screeched and drove the knife into my stomach.

"M-MOM! W-what are you doing?" I asked as I placed a shaky hand on my wound.

"SINCE YOU ARE NOT RITSUKA YOU MUST DIE!" she screeched even louder than last time. She pulled the knife out of my stomach and drove it into my flesh several more times causing the blood to flow out rather quickly.

My breath was coming in short gasps of air and my vision became blurred. She drove the knife into me several more times and the world started to become dark.

For once I'm glad that Soubi wasn't here I wouldn't want him to see me like this almost dead. Though I wonder what he would do if he did see me getting murdered by my own mother?

Soubi was so happy that we were alone. We could've done anything and neither of us would've gotten in trouble. But I couldn't live like that. I had to come back. I had to be home with my friends and family. I needed to be away from his suffocating presence, it was killing me inside. I know he said that if I truly wanted we could come back but I need to be away from him. Even if we're together I still have sleepless nights they just occur more often when he's around.

"S-Soubi," I breathed as my eyes began to close for what seemed to be the last time.

* * *

"Ritsuka, Ritsuka, Ritsuka. Wake up." A warm voice said as I began to drift into consciousness. I opened one of my eyes and looked at the source.

Before was Soubi in all his Soubi glory. Was I in heaven or hell? It's hard to tell when he's around.

"Where am I? What happened? Where's my mom?" I asked at once as I started to sit up. A sharp pain shot through of my stomach and ribs, "ARGH!" I groaned and lay back down.

"Just lay there." Soubi said to me in his smooth voice, "you're in the hospital. Your mother tried to kill you because you had lost your ears and she's in the metal health ward, she won't be coming out for a long time if she ever comes out of it at all. Now why didn't you tell me that you wanted to go back home?"

"Because…" was all I could manage.

"Because why?" he asked.

"I wanted to be away from you…but I wanted to be with you...god damn it Soubi you confuse me so much I don't know what I want anymore!" I cried and clutched my head in confusion.

"Ritsuka…" he said and placed a hand on my shoulder.

"Soubi, gomenasai," I said as I wrapped my arms around him.

"Ritsuka what are you apologizing for?" he asked nuzzling me.

"Everything," I started to sob clinging to Soubi for dear life.

His soft hands robbed my back, "Ritsuka you have nothing to be sorry for," he tried to soothe me.

"Gomenasai, gomenasai, gomenasai, gomenasai, gomenasai!" I just sobbed unable to stop myself.

"Ritsuka," was all he managed to say. My heart monitor was beeping loudly and quickly.

"RITSUKA RELAX!" Soubi shouted as I fell unconscious.

* * *

My eyes slowly started to open and I was in an unfamiliar hospital room. One question ran through my head: why am I here?

I looked around the room and saw a blonde male watching me intently.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"What, you don't remember me?" he replied a little shocked, "it's me Soubi,"

I looked at him confused. He expected me to remember him even though I've never seen him a day in my life, "am I supposed to remember you?"

"Ritsuka it me Soubi your fighter unit."

"Fighter unit?" I asked not knowing what he meant by that.

"Never mind. But what's the last thing you remember?"

"I remember waking up on Christmas morning in fourth grade and then everything is blank from there." I replied nervously.

"You were ten then right?"

"Y-yeah."

"You're sixteen now. You're in the hospital because your mother tried to kill you," he explained.

"Sixteen? You can't be serious last I remember I was ten!" I shouted. _'This can't be right'_ I thought to myself.

"I have a lot of explaining to do so just sit and listen." He sighed and began to explain everything.

THE END


End file.
